Call centre blues   1 comment

Today I tried to get some help from an online helpdesk. I could not find the customer service link on the website. There was a weird avatar called Lucy with a notice saying ‘Ask Lucy’. So I put my question to Lucy. Lucy the avatar leered at me from the screen and raised an animated eyebrow. Then she replied. “I can only understand one sentence at a time. Please write your problem in one sentence.”  I won’t repeat my not very kind reply here. The avatar leered at me again. (I’m sure she stuck her tongue out!) Then she replied saying, “Perhaps next time, I will know the answer.” I asked for customer services. Lucy made some more nasty faces and a link for customer services appeared. This is what happened next:

Welcome to PHONE COMPANY. Someone will be with you soon.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

We’re really busy right now. Thanks for waiting.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

We’re really busy right now. Thanks for waiting.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

We’re really busy right now. Thanks for waiting.

During the above time: Got up, had shower, brushed teeth, got dressed, made bed, tidied room, took out trash while pressing enter passing computer.

You’re through to Mary.

Mshambainlondon: I received a text on 20/07/12 stating that I would be able to access £10 to spend in PHONE COMPANY stores to compensate for network disruption after 01/09 via Special Moments. I’ve tried to access this but can’t. Why?

Mary: Hi I’m Mary. How can I help?

Mshambainlondon: Hi Mary, My question is above. (Thinking Duh!)

Long, long silence – prepared breakfast.

Mshambainlondon: Hello?

Mary: Yes this discount will come off once your bill is generated on September.

Mary: And by then this will be active on your special account as well.

Mshambainlondon: I have a pay as you go phone. Not bill.

Mary: Okay.

Mary: Please stay connected while I transfer the chat to the concern team

Mshambainlondon: So I am now in my Special Account and trying to access the £10 but getting a message to say “Close Sorry, there appears to be a problem. Ooops, there’s a problem redeeming that offer. Please try again later.” (Honestly the message really did say Ooops!)

We’re putting you through to the right person, won’t be long.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

Hold that thought. You’re not connected yet.

(During the above: Ate breakfast, did the washing up, cleaned the kitchen, put on a load of laundry)

You’re through to Tony.

Tony: Hi I’m Tony. How can I help?

Mshambainlondon: Hi Tony, I received a text on 20/07/12 stating that I would be able to access £10 to spend in PHONE COMPANY stores to compensate for network disruption after 01/09 via Special Moments. I’ve tried to access this but can’t. Message says: Sorry, there appears to be a problem. Ooops, there’s a problem redeeming that offer. Please try again later. Why? I am pay as you go customer so this will not be connected to a bill.

Tony: I’m sorry for the trouble you’re facing while redeeming the coupon on special moments.

Mshambainlondon: Thanks for your concern. But I really just need to know how to solve the problem. Can you fix this for me please? (Thinks: Honestly!)

Tony: Let me check this for you.

Mshambainlondon: Great.

Tony: Thanks for waiting.

Tony: Have you downloaded the voucher?

Mshambainlondon: Sorry – no -when I try to download I am getting the Ooops message I told you about. Should I try again now? (Thinks: Duh! Why do you think I am here?)

Tony: Please try to download the voucher again.

(Try to download)

Tony: Are you able to download now?

Mshambainlondon: No. Still getting this message

Tony: It seems that there’s some issue with the website at the moment. I’ve forwarded the report to the support team so that it can be investigated. Please try downloading the voucher after sometime and you’ll be able to do it.

Tony: I’m sorry for the inconvenience caused.

Mshambainlondon: OK. I will try again later. Thanks for trying. I will get back to you guys later if the problem continues. (Thinks: Oh Jesus!)

Tony: I appreciate your co-operation with this matter.

Tony: Is there anything else I can help you with?

Mshambainlondon: No Tony. Have a good one! (Thinks: Oh well, he is probably some hung over guy in a horrible call centre type place, and anyway I’ve lost the will to live)

Tony: It was great chatting with you.(Thinks: Oh god, poor guy, they probably make him say this on a script somewhere!)

Tony: Have a great weekend. Bye and take care.

Mshambainlondon: U2 (Oh well, what can you do? Think about karma)

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One response to “Call centre blues

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  1. I think I have whole new appreciation for call centers in India now. lol

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